I’ve been pretty honest about myself and my flaws on this blog. I don’t see any point in glorifying myself. I should say, however, that this has not stopped God from doing great things through me. As long as I refuse the glory, I see no harm in showing that the Lord uses even very flawed people in positive ways.
My friend, Brandon, must think I’m some kind of saint. He’d be wrong, but the funny thing is, almost every time we speak, I have some sort of great amazing wisdom come from my mouth. I, of course, struggle to put in practice almost any of it, but it seems that every single lesson I’ve gotten from the Lord comes to mind exactly when Brandon could stand to hear it. I particularly enjoy this because Brandon is a man I already respect. My favorite thing about him is that he thinks for himself in a time when so few do this. It is quite an honor that God would use me to bless such a man, even if I am so unworthy.
Daniel has seen the weirdest side of me and that pretty consistently. He has been taking on some rather monumental projects and has done it with the strength that clearly comes from God. Nearly the entire time, I’ve been around perfectly sacrificing much of my own life to make his dreams happen. Not only that, but it’s been easy. Daniel almost tried to stop me being so helpful because he was afraid of taking advantage of me, even by accident. It seems without fail that I volunteer just about everything I have to make his life better, and it works very well. I’m not sure if this is more for Daniel or for me that the Lord brings this out. In my friendship with Daniel, I’ve seen the work of theosis, that Christ makes his followers more and more like Himself. God shows me through this friendship, that I am not totally lost, no matter how bad things get.
The Other Side
I am no saint, however. While God brings amazing things through me to show me that I am not lost, he confronts me with my sin to show me that I am not perfect either. Today, a friend called about various matters and at the end of the call she asked me if I could promise to do my best not to get angry at a question, acknowledging that I couldn’t promise not to get angry, but only to try not to get angry. I agreed to do my best and her question was whether I was interested in buying a book from her. Wow. That was it. The shocking thing here, is she wasn’t crazy to be so worried about me getting angry over it. The organization that she was selling for is one that I am very against, and apparently, I’ve not been nice about it. My anger has been a bit out of control recently and God is throwing that in my face.
I will learn to be gentle. When confronted with my sins like I was in this phone call, it helps to think of how I treat Brandon and Daniel. I am capable of better, by the grace of God. The Lord shows me my victories through His strength to show me that I can indeed overcome this anger. I will do it, by His grace. That’s theosis. When I was a teenager, a man said to me, “God loves us just the way we are, but He loves us too much to leave us that way”. I’ve always remembered that. I am not lost.